The Meaning of Antibodies (Satire)

1. Antibodies are very important for our immune system in getting over viral and bacterial diseases. We make non-specific IgM Antibodies (Ab) initially then specific IgG Ab later. Once we make IgG we are immunfor life against that pathogen.

2. An example of this is with mumps, mumps is caused by a virus, we get the disease once, make IgG antibodies and are immune for life.

3. Another example is measles, we test for IgG and prove we are immune for life, well except that in a Supreme Court case in Germany it was shown that the measles virus doesn’t exist, never mind.

4. Another example is chickenpox, we get chicken pox once and never again due to IgG antibodies, except if we get shingles which is also chickenpox, but well that’s different.

5. If we have AIDS we test for the presence of Ab, if we have them we know for sure that we have a deadly virus which will soon kill us. That’s because the HIV virus is “smart” and knows how to evade the Ab unlike the mumps virus which is stupid and doesn’t. The measles virus doesn’t exist and the chickenpox virus is smart-ish.

6. Another example is Hep C, again if your liver is falling apart you can be tested for Ab and if they are positive it means you have a deadly virus which is eating your liver. This is clearly another example of a smart virus.

7. With rhino virus, the cause of the common cold, we, naturally develop antibodies to the virus, but this virus is very smart (seeing as how it jumped to humans as a result of the unfortunate tendency of Africans to eat rhinos ) and many of us get colds year after year in spite of the presence of antibodies.

8. Similarly the influenza virus is very, very smart and unlike the measles virus which not only doesn’t exist but has remained constant in its non-existence for centuries, the flu virus changes its form yearly. This is undoubtedly because the flu virus is so smart it has included flu vaccine companies in its stock market portfolio. I wish I were as smart as the flu virus.

7. If you have symptoms of Lyme’s disease and you test for the presence of Ab and show them to your infectious disease doctor and tell him you tested positive for antibodies which means you have Lyme disease, he will throw you out of the office and call you a fucking lunatic. That’s because the presence of Ab don’t mean anything in Lyme’s disease.

8. If you have Covid and you test positive for Ab it means you either had the virus or you didn’t have the virus. Also, it is clear evidence that you were either sick or not sick. That’s because the corona virus is so smart that it can trick you into either making Ab or not to throw off the immunologists.

Hope this makes it perfectly clear.